Yesterday Manny and I picked up a suitcase… A very large suitcase. Now we just have to put all our stuff in there. Susan, my sister-in-law said she’d help us with our bags since she works for an airline. I’m excited to be flying, I’m excited to be moving. I don’t feel so pressured anymore by it all. I’m still wondering how we’re going to get around and stuff, but in time things will all set in place.

Manny is still unsure if he’s transferring. I feel like he hasn’t even attempted to make calls anyplace else. His excuse has been “well when have I had time for that?!” – Well if I can make time to figure out all this other shit out, I don’t see why he can’t take some time out of his “busy” schedule and find something himself. Oh well. We’ll see.

We sold a lot of his stuff. We thought we sold both the cars, but we didn’t. Sad. Oh well. I’m sure we’ll see both soon! We’ve currently got the 1999 Saturn SL1 series going up for $900 and my cars, the 2003 Hyundai Accent 5-Speed for $1300. It’s bound to sell, I’m sure. We’ve also sold his bed, mini-fridge, xBox, and so much more. We’re doing good! I wish I could help sell my stuff too, but living with my mom I don’t really OWN anything. I do have the pub table I can sell… Seeing that I won’t be able to fit that inside a suitcase… Hmmm… Forgot about that actually. I shall do that soon!

Overall I’m still stuck on what to do with my cats… They are my babies. Both of them mean the world to me and to just let them go is killing me inside. Susan said I could bring Picasso, but as long as we get his balls chopped off so he wouldn’t spray… I looked into Friends of Animals, apparently you get it cheaper through their site, but that doesn’t include the expenses of the shots and whatever, just the neutering. I guess I will just have to look into it more. My thing with that is, both my cats have grown to be so close, that taking one away from the other makes me sad. How will my oldest cope? How will my mom feel with just the big one around? I feel empty thinking about it all… It really just kills me.
I thought maybe I can fly there to Texas and when I move out to our own place, then I can fly back here for the weekend and pick them up. But Manny really wants to get a puppy and I know the big cat will not be okay with that. I’m not sure how the little one will be around a dog, but he is a lot sweeter than the other one. I just feel like I’m abandoning them. I really don’t know what to do with them. I wish my mom would just move down there with us. So then I can visit the cats a lot more than I would if they were up here in Jersey.

I just can’t wait to show Manny everything that my family has shown me down there. I am sure he’s going to love it! We’ve got a lot of saving up to do! We need to find a place, get new beds, tv’s, game consoles, so much to do! I am hoping that everything will fall into place by winter of this year or something. Crossing my fingers! We shall see.

I’ve got to go, look up more stuff online for moving. We’ve decided to get some vacuum bags that way we can store more into our bags!

I just really don’t know what to do. The places my family and I looked at are really great, too bad apparently I make too much money that we don’t fall under their tax-whatever crap housing. This is bull. I am so very stressed out. So very, very stressed out. I can’t stop crying, my family makes me feel like shit. My mom won’t stop complaining how I should just “change my mind” and stay with her the remaining 3 years till she can retire AND THEN…. we’ll all come down here… Yeah. Okay. Another 3 years in New Jersey, I don’t think I can do it. I want my own place. It’s time. I want my own responsibilities and I can’t afford my own place in Jersey because there, it’s fucking INSANE. A 1 bedroom, 1 bath apartment goes for $1000+ Like come on! Here I can get a marbled place, new appliances, wood flooring, high ceilings for $750-1000. Here I would be able to save more. Here I would be warm all the time compared to stickin’ New Jersey where the summers are hot and the winters are terribly cold.

For now Manny and I will be living with my family down here till we can get a nice place. But since we’re not driving anymore and flying down in about 3 weeks, we really need to buckle down and find a car fast. I’m looking at a new 2013 Hyundai Accent, if we put down $5k we’d be able to make affordable payments on it. The only thing I’m worried about is the car insurance, how much that will cost us. I wish God would just give me some kind of sign. I prayed for a transfer, got it. I prayed for a better living, kinda-getting it. Now I’m praying for some help and nothing. I feel so God-damn stressed and suffocating. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. Manny may not be able to transfer here… Great. I don’t know what to do about his 2 weeks paid vacation that he hasn’t taken yet. He’s thinking about quitting if he can’t transfer. The airplane tickets are not refundable. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but all of his shit is stressing me out just as much as my own. He isn’t as driven as me. He doesn’t give it his all, like I would.

This fall my family and I were trying to see if we could go to Poland with our mom, today it’s Mother’s Day and we are surprising her with fake tickets to Poland for myself and her in October for Mother’s Day/ her Birthday. She hates traveling by herself so we are going to say that I’m going with her to ease her worries. But now I highly doubt I can afford something like that. I don’t think the rest of my siblings can either, to be honest. Last night she mentioned how she’d love to go there with her sister, so maybe we’ll just say I’m backing out and maybe our aunt, her sister can go with her… For a week. It’d be nice for them. I would LOVE to go to Poland. Haven’t been there since beginning of High School, but I seriously can not afford it right now. Finding a new place, car, car insurance, I need all the money I can save.

Writing this is making me want to cry. I feel like such a failure like they all make me out to be. Yeah I hear the “we love you” crap… but that’s what it is. Crap. I HEAR the shit they say and I may not understand Polish but it’s not hard to understand when they talk about me or the expressions they give out when they do… I feel like I’m drowning and I’m unable to swim up to shore. I am miserable. I wish I just had more time. I wish I had all this money so I can afford a new car, apartment, AND go to Poland. I am so God-damn miserable. I wish God just gave me something. A sign. Anything. At this point I wish I just knew….

Sometimes I just wish I had a more understanding family. I know I’ve made lots of mistakes over the years, but I really think that I have changed drastically. Obviously, I don’t think they see what I see…

Mine was something like; travel, blogging, tech, DIY, books, and photo’s. Now after putting that into the followgen website, whenever people looked up those tags my tweets would come up that was related to them. People had the chance to favorite things or follow me, retweet me, etc. Whenever I logged into the site I would see the stats of who liked what under what category and who retweeted my stuff as well as starting following me because they liked my “books” tags or my “pictures” tags.

Over the couple of days I gained LOTS of followers. A lot of people ask me about what books I read or even ask me tech questions, things I’d recommend getting. It seemed like a great thing till I checked it out this morning and apparently my free subscription ended and they wanted me to sign up for a plan of $20 a month, or any of the other bigger plans. Rip-off. No thanks. I just ended the account, no big deal to me. I just wanted to test it out. I didn’t lose any of the followers I gained, still getting messages from people asking about tech stuff or pictures, books, my travels. People even suggested to others that they should check out my blog and I definitely noticed a huge spike after that.

It’s a great site to check out and gain fast followers, but sadly it’s got a limited time before asking you to sign up for a paid account with them. I’m not sure if it was a 2 week free trail, I haven’t logged on for a couple of days and I don’t remember when I started it.

Overall I give the site a 6 out of 10, only because I didn’t like that it didn’t state a time limit letting us know that it was soon ending. Another reason, who actually knows that these people who are following me and tweeting to me are real. It seems kind of like a scam, but things happened fast. Got new followers, people talking to me. Who knows though.

I didn’t really have anything planned so I decided I would just come out to Texas and spend it with my family, also my nieces birthday is Monday but her party this weekend and my other niece has her communion this Sunday. I left on Tuesday right after work, got to the airport pretty early… didn’t really know where I was going so Manny & I were just going with the flow of things. We stopped by C3 security where I asked where it was I’m suppose to go, they told me I’m where I’m suppose to be and to just show my tickets and I’m good to go! I hugged Manny goodbye and waited in line for my turn. When I got to the front of security, I had to take off my shoes and everything in my pockets, place all my stuff on this belt and walk through this HUGE machine that has me holding my arms above my head as it scans me. Pretty freaking cool if you ask me!! After that I walked past security, and bam! Everything was huge! It was like a huge mall to me! I got something to eat, went to find my gate which was all the way at the other end of where I was… Got there and sat there for an hour and forty-five minutes waiting to board.

When I got on the plane it was really cool. I was worried my ears would pop like it had when I went to Poland & back, because that really hurt!!! But it didn’t, gum actually worked!! Anyways, when we were all boarding the plane, I thought for some reason that because I was there first, I would be able to get in first. Nope. I was group 5 so I had to wait and that was kind of annoying. Some people lied, cut, and they didn’t care, they let them go! That kind of bothered me. But oh well. Life goes on, I say. After that, when I got on the plane I was afraid because I was lugging a huge suitcase, that it was going to be really hard for me to lift it onto the overhead. Nah, that was good too. Just gotta believe in my muscles, I guess. Haha.

At first it seemed like I had a free row of seats all to myself. Then this guy from the row next to me, came over and moved to the seat by me. It was cool though, because we still had an empty seat between us so we just had some of our stuff on there. – I was SO FREAKING BORED because I didn’t have anything with me. I brought my laptop and stuff, but my laptops new… There isn’t much on there. I ended up paying the $7.99 for Dish Network and watched some Law & Order and Big Bang Theory.

My flight was only 3 hours long, when we landed I got my bag and headed out the plane. Found my family, went outside. Dying. Here it’s like a trillion degrees! I was shocked by how hot it was. I told my family they’re crazy because they were wearing jeans! Holy moly!!! It really is hot. After leaving the airport we went to their house, where I’m staying at and we didn’t do much the first night. Got a tour of the place, went to bed early. Was so beat from being up since 4:am that day. The next day we checked out places around the area. Apartment hunting. So many great places! Cheap too! Thats what I love. Cheap.
We also visited two Home Depots, one sounded very promising and it was! This morning I got a call after breakfast with a job offer, same position, same pay, same full-time status! Hell yes!! I was very surprised but also very happy! Happy Birthday to me, from Depot, I’d say!! Last night, my sister-in-law, Susan and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrate me turning 21. I know, it wasn’t the best place to go but it really was fun. I didn’t get carded, probably because I kept saying we were waiting till midnight for me to turn 21… But whatever. STILL! I should’ve. My first legal drink was the pineapple upside-down cake. My favorite drink was the lemon drops!! Very yummy!! I had about 10 drinks in 1 hour… Don’t ask. Overall it was a good time! Today didn’t do too much… Was thinking we’d go to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday but I don’t know if my family forgot, but eh.. No big deal I guess. I got a chocolate cake for my birthday. That was nice. My nieces gave me some gifts that they made me. That too was sweet and nice of them.

My sister-in-law Susan & I

First legal shot – Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

So I’m moving soon. I’ve got two weeks left on my schedule and then I start here in Texas June 10th. I cant wait!! Seriously, best news ever!!

I’ll be gone till Monday, but my birthday is on Thursday, I turn 21. My nieces communion is this weekend as well as well as my other nieces birthday and I will be investing a day at looking at places nearby. Thursday my family plans on going to a museum, so I’ll be doing that too! I hope to be getting a lot of pictures and stuff so I can show you guys how awesome my trip was!! I haven’t had a real vacation in a while, for many of you reading this you may be thinking this really isn’t a real vacation but to me it is. Away from Home Depot, the people around here, the hot and cold weather… Yeah. This is a vacation to me.

When I get there, I hope to blog about what I did the other day. My friend Manny & I worked a lot on my front yard so now it looks amazing! It has flowers and mulch. It didn’t look like a tough project, it wasn’t really – but it took a few hours. My legs ached the next day from squatting a lot. It’s good to tone up my legs though!

I seriously feel like I am missing something. I know I did forget some stuff, but I wrote a mini-list for my friend to go pick up and get before taking me to the airport. Hopefully they don’t forget like I had!!

Anyways, I’ll write more later. Going to try to relax a little before going back down for an hour and a half. Adios, you guys!!

Some people fear that they’re too young, others fear that being older is an issue and that the younger associates will get the job.
What do you think?

Question: Do you shop more online vs retail stores? Why?

It seems like all I do the last couple of months is watch Netflix and not so much what’s on TV. The current show I’ve been watching the last couple of weeks is The L Word. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a lesbian TV show that was playing on Showtime, but ended after season 8. It’s a very popular show in the gay/lesbian community. I recently got my straight-friend, Manny to watch it. He talks during almost each episode discussing his hate towards some of the characters on the show. It gets annoying, but glad he’s enjoying himself.

What I’m reading:

My friend, Katherine has introduced me to this book called. The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I’m almost done, have been giving the book a rest for a couple of days now, too much on my plate – I’m tired all the time now and working with this new Mac trying to work on the blog whenever I can has me postponing the book till I get some ish done.

Overall what I’ve read so far, had me crying, laughing, smiling, feeling somewhat connected. It’s a well written, extraordinary book, I can’t wait to finish it. I’m afraid to find out the ending, only because I want it to be some sappy good one… But thats not always the case.

What I’m doing:

For those of who guys who don’t really know what I do, I work for Home Depot and working there has me always wanting to buy everything there and redo my house from scratch. Of course, sad to say I’m not a billion dollar employee who can fund Home Depot in such a manner, but when I can afford it I like to splurge a little. Recently I’ve bought a load ton of things for my yard. Now that Spring has finally came to join us this late in the season, I’m working on my yard. I want to make it look nice, so my friend has been helping me with building things, putting things up, and even gardening with me.

A few posts ago I mentioned the planters pots and the plants I’ve gotten for it. Just the other day my friend put up some lattice fencing up, underneath my deck so it covers us from seeing whats there. What I want to do next is add some vine plants, to really cover everything, but apparently they’re not in season yet. Next I want to work on the front yard and lay down some mulch. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Where I’ve gone:

Haven’t really gone anywhere new to talk about. Now that I’ve gotten a new laptop I hope to focus more and buckle down a little. Hopefully I can start checking out new places and write about them. But I guess for now, something I’m kind of currently interested in, is going biking. I haven’t rode a bike in such a long time, probably since High School – my friend just got a new bike so we’ve been going biking here and there. Good exercise!

Whats your idea or reasoning behind it?

The day before seeing my doctor, I had migraines for two consecutive days and it was killer. I usually call them suicide headaches because all I want to do is bash my head into the wall to make it better, but I know it wont. I was talking to another associate at work and she felt the node slightly bigger than usual and not on the opposite side of my head, where I thought “Hey maybe it’s normal and I’ve got another on the other side.” I’ve known for months about it’s size. Usually when I’m migraine-free the size of it is rather small and barely able to feel it when touching the back of my neck, but when I’ve got a migraine it’s large and pushing on it doesn’t hurt but it relieves the pressure of the migraine.

I made an appointment to see my doctor that day but was unable to leave work early, so I made the appointment for the following day. The next morning I woke up without a migraine and no lump. It was there but not as large as when I’ve got one, so I figured the doctor was just going to tell me I’m crazy and for that I wasn’t going to go and pay someone for something they’ll just think I’m crazy about. I figured I’d cancel the appointment but then thought maybe they’d bill me for canceling. I talked to my sister-in-law who was visiting for a couple of days and told her my situation. She told me I probably should go; so I went.

My appointment was at 12:15pm, took 45 minutes to wait in the waiting room, luckily my friend was there with me to keep me company. But it got annoying waiting so he got up and asked one of the ladies behind the desk how much longer, before you know it I was called in. That took another 25 minutes for the doctor to come in. Three doctors and it’s that long to see one? Crazy!

When he came in I told him straight up… “So doctor it’s like this… Whenever I get these headaches I call suicide headaches I feel this enormous lump on the back left side of my neck. I’m not saying I’m dying or anything but I just wanted to make sure it’s all good.”
He told me it’s just a lymph node and that it’s good that it goes down in size when I don’t have a headache, if it didm’t and kept at it’s size without one we’d have an issue. He prescribed me some pills. Expensive pills as he said. A week so far and still haven’t gotten them yet…. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll be free from work. We’ll see.

Apparently the next time I get the “suicide headache” I should take one before it gets to the point I want to kill someone and hopefully it’ll work. Bad part about these pills, is the apparent hot flashes I’ll be getting. Talk about being old with some menopause?